Friday, August 1, 2014

show don't tell

I will begin by describing what the characters body felt like.
I will describe what they were thinking

I will leave the audience hanging

WALT show not tell in our writing

I think i did well on doing showing the emotion and not telling

next time I think I need to use more descriptive words

In class we have been doing narrative writing and we were forcing on showing not telling . . .

Her mouth watered as she gassed at the site of all the colourful present.

Her eye started to grow and her blood rushed around her body, as she boosted up to them getting ready to rip them apart, like shards of rainbows fly around. She rip them up without caring about the card she gasped . . .

Do you know what the emotion is? comment down below


  1. Ooooo I feel like it's Christmas reading this! I am getting excitied! I like how you said "it was like shards of rainbows flying around" what a great description. I can really see that. I think you need to read your story while listening to your audioboo and see if you can fix up some of the writing that doesn't make sense. Also when you introduce your mahi, it needs to be one paragraph not points please. Great effort Waimarama, I can't wait to see what happens next.

  2. I like your creative writing and agree with Miss Newton that the 'like shards of rainbows flying around' metaphor is really original!

  3. I like that you express your felling and you make me so happy when you expanded your work

  4. Wow there's even audio clips - choice!