Thursday, July 3, 2014

show don't tell

In class we  have been writing about a time when you where hiding. We were working on using descriptive word's and using punctuation properly and show do tell

next time I think I need to use my punctuation better 

and I did go on doing show don't tell


WALT Describe hiding without telling the audience that we are hiding
Create our writing to make it interesting to our reader

Success Criteria

- use descriptive detail
- starts with something that was said or thought (Hook the reader in)
- use expressive vocabulary
- making sure you are showing the story instead of telling the story


- use punctuation to make sense of the story


“ I hope I don’t get caught, I don’t want to be in” I whispered to myself as I sat there in the closet all cramped up. Suddenly I heard loud footsteps like a giant going for a walk. I open the door as small as could be and behind me was a small glimpse of light.

I peeped out of the door. She was standing right there, right in front like a statue standing still. Listening for noise. So I took deep breath in for as long as I could . My mind went blank and all I was thinking of was “be quiet be quiet don’t make a noise don’t make a noise”.  

“Come on Waimarama I know you want to give up, just hold it in you can do it”  I thought to myself like a hunched over old lady with a really achy back.  I was so desperate to give up. I could smell the fatty chicken sizzling away.  

“Ohhhh My tummy starting to rumble” I muttered to  myself ready to just boost it out of the closet and munch that chicken down. Moments later I heard my sister say “I found you I found you”. Once I heard she said that, I boosted it out of the closet and skipped down the hall with a huge grin on my face I uttered down the hall “ I win, you lose I win you lose ”.

“Shame you lose” I screamed in my brothers face. I hustled outside to the front deck singing “ I am the champion and you  are a loser hahahaha, thank you thank you”.
“ I hope I don’t get caught, I don’t want to be in” I whispered to myself as I sat there in the closet all cramped up. Suddenly I heard loud footsteps like a giant going for a walk.

1 comment: